Prayers

so i sat down and started writing - attempting to beat the clock so this could be my last letter before the clock strikes.

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dear God:

i'm not sure where to begin but i'm sure you know my intentions are in line.
what i've been taught is that when there is no struggle, there is no progress.

2009 brought many struggles - but the progress hasn't been as abundant.
why?

my mother gets upset when i ask you "why", God.
she said i should never question you. i should never ask you anything about your job.
but i've sat in enough classrooms & spent enough alone time with you to know that you don't mind.
i don't want to be a fool.
i am aware that you tend to look after fools, but i'm a grown man. and although your house has many rooms, i don't plan to move home anytime soon.
and because i've questioned you on my search for knowledge, i am well equipped and even more confident when i get to that struggle.

so why, God?
why the many struggles & not so many progresses.

too many people focus on the destination. they fix their minds on the progress.
they don't take the time to adore the struggle.
as hard as these struggles can be, we must sit back sometimes and know that it will be alright.
we must learn to smile at the rain every once in a while, and not sit back in sadness waiting for the sun.

so i write this letter to you, God.

i write this letter to you for my friends & their families:
@mamadiamond2
@Vwayne
@thebrownbarbie
@echi_bon
@pnoty
@mystercarter
dennis karl brown, jr.
@sunyblack
@mswoods03
@ipenhitz
@cga1982
@thekaptainkirk
@roroatl
@msline85
@ms_ladyc
@rev_denique
kanessa
@soon2bmrsaustin

i write for them because there is no such thing as too much prayer.
and as often as i tell them to keep their face ALWAYS to the sunshine so the shadows may fall behind them, i also want them to know that i am going that extra mile for them.

i want them to know that it's not that first mile that counts.
it's the mile no one asked them to take, but they took it anyway.
i took it anyway.

so tonight, God...
let this letter be my prayer to you from us all.

and i hope you welcome this new year just as much as we will.

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and to those i love dearly & those new friends(followers) of mine:
bring in this new years day the way you intend to spend the days following.

i love you all.
peace.


(photo is from my solo trip to the bahamas. where i found God)

sometimes, it becomes about pride.
i was sitting here reflecting on a lot of the going-ons from the past few weeks and pride has prevented me from doing a lot of things. i've refrained from apologizing to people who really needed me to.
it's kept me from achieving a dream/goal i've been feeding for years.

but i decided 5 minutes ago that it won't keep me from anything anymore.
i've decided to shake free of that chain around my mind, and leave pride with the trash on the curb.
and i think you should too.
you: the person who needs to hear it.

so shake free that pride and do like lauryn hill says and "tell him you need him. tell him you love him. and it'll be alright." she was speaking about God.

so i pray to:

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dear God:

i need you. i love you. make everything alright if it is in your will and in my best interest.
thank you.

amen.
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peace.

i was reluctant about heading home for the holidays.
aside from the freezing rain they had christmas day, my family is a bit "touched."
everybody driving everybody else crazy.

i hopped the train and made the journey.
and after the laughs, stories, hugs and kisses - i'm headed back.

we have those family members that drive us insane every time we see them, but we continue to see them.
we have those friends who seem to lose life quality every time you see them, but we continue to give them a call to hook up.
because we know what makes home home.
it's those folks who fixed out cereal when our hand/eye coordination was all jacked up.
those folks who helped you sneak outta your grandmother's window in high school.
that one relative that shows up drunk, messing up your sleep, then ruining everybody's holiday.
it's home.

we must embrace home.
because that is where we store most of our love.
because it's what made us who we are.

and so i pray:

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dear God:

thank you for making things the way you've made them.
those i find promising and those i'm having a hard time grasping.
but i know they exist because they need to.
and thank you most for home. because that is where love live.